How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 27
How to Spur People on to Success
Carnegie advises us to praise every improvement, and praise every improvement thereafter. Don't wait for the thing to be done exactly the way you want to it to be done before you offer praise. In other words, Don't wait for perfection. Instead, guide the person to the desired behavior by slowly nudging him with praise until he reaches the required level of performance.
Offer praise instead of condemnation. And God knows it's not easy when all you can see is negativity. But the truth is, praise gives people confidence. Condemnation destroys ego and creates resentment. There have been studies recently proving that a negative environment is less conducive to high performance. High performance requires a nurturing environment.
Carnegie quotes B.F. Skinner, whose experiments with humans have shown that, "When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced, and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention."
Conduct your own experiment with your own children. Try to find the good things they do and praise them for doing those things. Try it for a few weeks and see if their behavior improves. All you have to do is praise the slightest improvements in the children rather than condemning everything they do wrong. If you're a boss, try it with your employees. Point out the exact behavior that made you proud, and emphasize why you're proud of it, what it means to you and the company or the household. Do this frequently and see how your children's or employees' behavior improves.
Carnegie points out that,
"When praise is specific, it comes across as sincere, not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good."
He continues, "Praise inspires people to realize their latent possibilities... abilities whither under criticism. They blossom under encouragement. and so, to become a more effective leader of people, praise the slightest improvements, and praise every improvement thereafter."
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