How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 25

This chapter reaffirms what we've been saying in previous chapters. Don't give direct orders, make suggestions instead. Inception the idea in the person's mind in such a way that she believes the idea was her own. Use phrases like, "You might want to consider...

Do you think this would work if...?"

Give people the opportunity to do things... give them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes. Give them the opportunity to display initiative.

Whereas, giving direct orders arouses resentment, "A technique like that (suggestions instead of commands) saves a person's pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion." Offers Carnegie.

Even though you occupy a position of authority, it helps to be friendly and respectful. If you run around shouting orders and being disrespectful, people might be tempted to retaliate and make your life unpleasant. People want to participate in decision-making. This way, they have ownership. And when they do something that goes against said decision, they feel a lack of congruency. They feel like they're disrespecting themselves.

Ask questions... give people agency. Give them a sense of ownership in the decision. Show them the benefits and associated risks, and let them use their creativity to come up with solutions.