How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 22

Carnegie shares an example of America's 76th president,

President Calvin Coolidge, who began with praise

before attempting to correct one of his team members' error.

He then offers that it's much easier to listen to unpleasant things

after we have heard some praise about some of our good points.

Same applies to rejection. Do it with tact. Reject the idea, not the person. Keep yourself from hurting the other person's feelings.

And offer some direction about how you would prefer the matter to be handled going forward. Don't just leave them stranded and without a clue about how to do things 'right'.  If the way I'm doing it is not good enough, then show me a better way. Help me be aligned with your vision so I can produce the result you want.

Whenever you have to offer constructive criticism, be as diplomatic as possible. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. In the One Minute Manager, Ken Blanchard says we're reprimanding the behavior, not the person. Start by praising the person's good qualities. And then suggest areas of improvement, and close by reinforcing the person's ability and your faith in them.

We're not talking about cheap flattery, either.

We're talking about real praise that can be backed up by facts.

Praise something specific, and tell them why you like it.

If you can, try to make suggestions instead

of outright instructions and forceful commands. 

Make a friend, and you will find that things get done

without you even asking.

Why?

People prefer to do business with people they like.

Argumentative and rude people are rarely likeable, if ever.