How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 14

"In talking with people, don't begin by emphasizing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing - and keep on emphasizing - the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method, and not of purpose."

When you start off in agreement, you are most likely to end off in agreement.

In the wonderful book, Influence, Robert Cialdini says humans have a need to be consistent. If they start off by saying yes, and then turn to saying no, they have this uncomfortable feeling of incongruency within themselves. They feel like a flip flop who can't make up their minds.

And so, because of this, once they start saying no, they will keep saying no, (most likely). And once they start saying yes, they will keep saying yes (most likely). And salespeople have been trained by their companies to do this in their sales meetings.

And the best way to get somebody to say yes to you is by talking in terms of what's important to him, not what's important to you.

The first rule of customer service is to meet customers where they are. Don't argue. Accept the premise they have presented and then probe further and get a deeper understanding of the situation. And then guide them gently to an amicable solution.

The secret of Socrates then, according to Carnegie, is to ask the person a series of questions to which the response is "yes, yes, yes..." So, instead of arguing,  guide the conversation with a series of questions that will lead to an acceptable outcome for both you and your counterpart.

Get the other person saying "Yes, yes" immediately.