How to Win Friends And Influence People: Chapter 12

There's nothing that challenges any person's ego and pride than doing what Dale Carnegie suggests in this chapter.

Admitting you're wrong is very painful because it makes us question our intelligence. If you're wrong consistently, that basically means you're stupid, right?

Who, in their right mind, would readily admit that they're stupid? Unless of course, they have very low self esteem.

And so what Dale Carnegie calls for in this chapter is an immense level of maturity, and an immense level of introspection.  What we often don't realize is that this introspection gives us the opportunity for tremendous growth. Instead of being defensive about our weaknesses, maybe we investigate them and improve upon them, and strengthen them, and learn to do better.

Somebody said an unexamined life is not worth living. The same can be said about unexamined values and opinions. They may be the things holding us back instead of propelling us forward. Think about it in scientific terms. Everything starts out as a theory or conjecture, and only becomes a scientific fact after rigorous examination. If it fails the test, then the hypothesis is discarded as false. And we go on to examine other theories and hypothesis to see how well they hold up.

Carnegie says people argue because they want a feeling of importance. And when you beat them to the punch and admit that you're, they have nowhere else to go. They can't argue against themselves.

Eminem did this beautifully in the final rap battle in his movie, 8 Mile.
He took away his opponents' entire arsenal with one slick move, admitting to his own weaknesses, talking about his own faults and to his own failures and shortcomings. And now his rap opponent had nothing negative left to say about Eminem because he had said it all himself.

Imagine how much power you yourself can take from your opponents when you don't wait for them to attack you. It's much more palatable to be inspired from within to fix your errors than it is to be ridiculed and chastised into admitting you're wrong.

Same applies in sales. Rather admit to your customers outright that your product is expensive, and then proceed to tell them why it's expensive, how is it better compared to cheaper alternatives? How will it benefit the customer and save them time and countless headaches in the future? How will it elevate their status and them respected and envied among their peers?

Admitting to your faults takes courage.  But it does help to de-escalate the situation and keep you in the good graces of your opponent. It also affords you the opportunity to self evaluate and improve. And if you're lucky, it may get your opponent to start thinking about your positive traits and start singing your praises, even if it's only to be polite.

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