How to Win Friends And Influence People: Chapter 09

First things first, people like compliments.

So when you give people sincere compliments,

you're halfway through the door of making people like you.

As you might have realized by now, the basis of this book is other person oriented. So in giving other people compliments, look for something specific to praise. Be specific about what you like and why you like it. And also, why or how is this one thing better than others you've seen elsewhere?

If you just offer baseless praise, that's just cheap flattery.

And people who know their self-worth will see right through it.

As a result , you will look like a fraud, and will have to work twice as hard to regain that person's trust.

Carnegie quotes William James, who said,

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving

to be appreciated."

He says that the way to make people like you instantly is to always make the other person feel important. He goes on to say that the desire to be important is the greatest urge in human nature. And he insists that it is this urge that differentiates us from animals, and it is this urge that is responsible for civilization itself.

If you want to have cordial relationships at home, work or play, "Then do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Give unto others what you would have them give unto you.

And do this all the time. Everywhere."

At work, if you want happy and productive employees, delegate meaningful work to them. Trust them with responsibility and accountability for some important projects, and see how productive people can be.

"Little phrases like 'I'm sorry to trouble you,' 'Would you be so kind as to...?' 'Won't you please?' 'Would you mind?' 'Thank you.' Little courtesies like these oil the cogs of everyday living and are the hallmark of good breeding."

Carnegie closes the chapter by quoting Benjamin Disraeli, who said, "Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours."

Why?

Because everyone wants to feel important...