How to Win Friends And Influence People: Chapter 05

Carnegie opens this chapter by declaring that the expression one wears on one's face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one's back.

He writes,

"Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says,

"I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.

And that's why dogs are so magnificent,

they're always glad to see you."

Apparently there's research from Professor James McConnell which proves that people who smile tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and they raise happier children. And that's why the Chinese have a saying that suggests people who don't have a smiling face should not open a store because he will lose a whole lot of business due to his somber face.

Carnegie says there's far more information in a smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a far more effective teaching device than punishment.

People rarely succeed at anything unless they have fun doing it.

A smile creates a pleasant environment, at home, work or school.

He quotes William James who said,

"Action seems to follow feeling. But really, action and feeling go together. And by regulating action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully, and to act and speak

as if cheerfulness were already there..."

Carnegie goes on to say that, 

"The one sure way to find happiness is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn't depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions. It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it. "

Shakespeare said something similar.

"There is nothing either good or bad.  But thinking makes it so."

He closes the chapter with this awe inspiring poem:

The value of a smile at Christmas

It costs nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive,

without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever,

None are so rich they can get along without it,

and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home,

fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged,

sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,

for it is something that is no earthly good

to anybody till it is given away.

And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying

some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile,

may we ask you to leave one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile

so much as those who have none left to give!”