How to Win Friends And Influence People: Chapter 03

In marketing, we have a couple of sayings

that apply perfectly to this chapter.

One is, "Don't sell what you want to sell.

Sell what people want to buy."

Zig ziglar's most famous saying goes a little something like this,

"You can have anything you want in this world if you will only help enough other people to get what they want."

What this means is that people are more interested

in themselves than they are interested in you.

Carnegie puts it this way,

"People are not interested in buying things.

They are eternally interested in solving their problems.

And if salespeople can show them how their services

and products will help them solve their problems,

then salespeople wouldn't need to sell... people will just buy.

And customers like to feel that they are buying, not being sold."

What's in it for me? People are infinitely concerned with how they will benefit, and less interested in how you will benefit. So the trick of the trade is to talk more about what the other person wants, and less about what you want. Carnegie says you must bait the hook to suit the fish. He says the only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Tony Robbins says something similar. He says we do things for one of two reasons, to move away from pain or to move towards pleasure. Donating to a charity gives you the feeling of being a caring, compassionate citizen. Supporting your family gives you the feeling of being a generous, loving and responsible father. Buying a sports car gives you a feeling of accomplishment.

So if you want to influence people, first arouse in them an eager want. You do this by talking in terms of what they want, not in terms of what you want. Create a vivid vision of the benefits they will enjoy. Paint a clear picture, adding as much detail and excitement as possible.
Don't forget the other end of the stick. Show them how much pain they will experience if they fail to follow through. Make the fear of missing out super-real for them. Make them feel the pain of losing.

Carnegie quotes Henry Ford, who said,

"If there is one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own."

Show people what's possible, and show them the roadmap

of how to get to the desired destination.

First find out what the other person wants,

and then show them how to get it.

"First arouse in the other person an eager want.

He who can do this has the whole world with him.

He who cannot walks a lonely way. "

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