How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 19

Everybody has a high opinion of themselves. And if you challenge this opinion,  you will pay a hefty price. The person will fight you tooth and nail. They will defend themselves as if you were trying to murder them. That's why it's called assassination of character,  because it feels to them as if they've been assassinated.

Carnergie quotes JP Morgan who said,

"Everyone has two reasons for doing a thing:

one that sounds good (politically correct) and a real one."

And he goes on to say that if you want to change people,

you must appeal to the nobler motives.

People like to think of themselves as good citizens, that's why they start foundations, charities and food drives. They want to appear to be helping and not destroying, that's why they donate to charities and churches. They want to immortalize their good name, that's why they build hospitals and name them after themselves.

Carnergie admits that nothing will work in all cases - and nothing will work with all people. If you are satisfied with the results you are now getting,  why change? If you are not satisfied,  why not experiment?

Ask them why they believe they are correct in their opinion. Let them talk, while you listen with interest and sympathy. Assume that the customer is sincere, honest and fair. And then appeal to the nobler motives in resolving the dispute.