How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 17

Carnegie suggests you put yourself in the other person's shoes before you berate them or judge them for their words or actions.

Most times, people sincerely don't see their errors in judgment.

They're doing their best to create the best life they can for themselves and those around them. They're not trying to hurt you or be offensive. They're not trying to look or sound foolish. They're just doing their best, based on the knowledge and resources at their disposal. So your judgments don't help the situation. They hurt it and make things worse.

He says , "Success in dealing with people depends

on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint."

How about you start understanding that other people's ideas are as important to them as yours are to you. How would you feel if someone constantly put you down and made fun of your ideas?

Are you more like to like or despise that person?

And when you do the same,

do you think they like you more or resent you?

Yelling out orders and bossing people around doesn't lead to cooperation. It leads to resentment and a desire to shove a large dagger into your back. If you want cooperation, try to be agreeable, try to see the other person's viewpoint, show him that you understand, and make your request without making him feel foolish or imposed upon. Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself, "Why should she want to do it? What's in it for her?"